I read the news today oh boy

About a lucky man who made the grade

And though the news was rather sad

Well I just had to laugh

I saw the photograph

He blew his mind out in a car

He didn't notice that the lights had changed

A crowd of people stood and stared

They'd seen his face before

But nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords

I saw a film today oh boy

The English Army had just won the war

A crowd of people turned away

But I just had to look

Having read the book

I'd love to turn you on

I read the news today oh boy

4000 holes in Blackburn Lancashire

And though the holes were rather small

They had to count them all

Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall

I'd love to turn you on