We decided to go through the fields with it

Stevie thinking it might be embarrassing carrying a carpet along the roadside

As we got to the first gate we saw mary coming the other way

Just out for a walk then lads she said

That's right

We always like to carry a full size floor carpet between us when we're out stretching our legs

It wasn't that hard actually

Not heavy between us or anything

More awkward

It sags in the middle

And has this course

Scratchy underlay that itches your arms and shoulders

We didn't really need a rest

But when we came to that farm tea kitchen thing we got a can each and had a sit down

At which point that carpet came in pretty handy actually

And stevie's watching these cows in a field and he says that places like farms and zoos make him sick

Keeping animals fenced in for our own enjoyment and everything

I want to say that I'm not sure we should enforce a contemporary human psychological perspective on what are only animals

But decided it would be lost and instead concentrated on watching a cloud that looked like wile e

Coyote biting a monkey's shoulder

It wasn't much further

But when we got it there I couldn't helped but be underwhelmed by the gratitude

Just put it down there she says

And that's it

A minute later we're walking back

I can still see wile e

Coyote and the monkey

And as we're going it starts to get cold in the fields and the wind starts to pick up

And out of nowhere

Stevie is gone

Off over the fence and in with his cows

I wait

And I shout

And then I think sod it and piss off home

But the next morning

I'm in the newsagents getting some milk

And just as I bloody well turn to leave

It's there

A whole one

A real one

Blocking my path

Right in the doorway of a newsagents

Eating the newspapers